Category: Horror

LIMITLESS

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WARNING: The following must be read into with overt sarcastic undertones, (which might then be noted as overtones…hmm).

This film is truly limitless. I learned so much about the human psyche, about the healthy restoration of relationships, about the negative elements of substance abuse. In fact, it made me feel that I, too, should strive for a future on Wall Street, or better yet, in politics. It reminded me that the true creative centers of the brain, once unleashed, will be used for the benefit of human life universal, and not for selfish gain. I learned that I am only limited by filth and ugliness – that pretty people are smarter. And, that clean people have more fun. I learned that a majority of the world’s smartest and best are actually simply drug addicted, and that medication is a secret weapon for success.

Ugly hair Bradley Cooper, pre-NZT (his drug of choice)

Actually, on a SERIOUS note= this is a terrible movie. The dizzying, long, panning shots through taxi cabs and into the brain’s internal censors are fast masks to cover the ridiculous story-line and worse writing. And, Brad, old Blue Eyes, you should never narrate. Or act. …modeling. Modeling might be your gig. Or comedy. But your message to the world with this film is that drugs are good. WRONG! Bad Blue Eyes. Drugs ARE BAD. They don’t make you famous or popular or smarter. In fact, sci-en-ti-fic studies prove that drugs actually kill parts of your brain – parts you will never get back, parts that some may have used to write, direct, and produce this unfortunately barbaric blockbuster (…blood slurping? really? I have not been this incensed since, well, since another blood slurping, lessonless plot-forsaken flick was released (See Sci-fi, Eclipse). Please do not join the masses who will see this and come one step closer to actually accepting that murder and lascivious living is acceptable, tolerable, or worse: funny. Rather, note the irony in the title, think of someone you know who struggles with addictive tendencies, and recognize this for what it really is: Limited.

ECLIPSE

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Team…uh…Edward? Bella? Jacob…Team, uh, Howard?

So, I did it. Pulled the old bait and switch. TS3 was exiting the theater, and my curiosity pervaded my decision-making centers and pulled me into the next theater in time to see Bryce Dallas Howard in a bare-toothed battle against Robert Pattinson. My sister’s boyfriend calls my action petty larceny. Semantics. I feel that I was the one wronged. I had a skin-glimmer of hope that Oprah was right this time and that this extreme, blood-soaked trilogy was worth its weight. But wait, what’s going on? I stifled the laugh from the back row of the sniffling audience as Taylor welled up all of the sweat that he could muster from his well-read abs. Sadly his best acting occurred beneath CGI fur. And Pattinson showed all fifteen magnum facial expressions as Bella professed that her agitated life force found its belonging in his ways and and in his kind. You know that feeling when you’ve cried so hard you start to laugh? Or throw up. Or that feeling of feeling nothing because you don’t understand the popularity of these three awkward enemies finally finding friendship and love. Wow.

Yes, I’ve opened the book…research. I perused a few chapters. It seems enticing, certainly. I want to understand the fanaticism, and the rare eqinanimous love affair with book and film alike. Perhaps the effect of a ubiquitous media education…and what my mother calls demonic influence.
Dakota Fanning says she really enjoyed the challenge of wearing the red contacts. I’m glad that she and Kristen are friends. Everyone needs friends. The big puzzle for me is Bryce. Bryce, daughter of filmmaker Ron Howard & M. Night’s fav it girl, is an actual actress. She, however, may also have let curiosity damage her hypothalamus.