“Bad company corrupts good morals,” 1 Corinthians 15:33. This verse rings true, and proves much worse when all characters begin and end with the same character flaws, the same proclivities toward destruction, the same lies for personal gain, and the same old starry gazes at the way things could have been.
Woody Allen offshoots from his recent run of sweet charming Paris-in-the-20s films and jumps into New York & LA in the 30s. Cafe Society, though beautiful frame-for-frame, is a diatribe, a tragic spiral into the depths of disappointment over past failures and Niche-esque psychological queries on the purposelessness of life. 
Steve Carell’s forefront character, remains abrupt and unfeeling throughout. Jesse Eisenberg is the perfect young Woody Allen replica with his despondent stammer and tragic tropes as he works to woo Kristen Stewart, still sullen post-Twilight. Blake Lively is barely there, a wisp in model pose for the few moments she walks on-screen. My favorites, Paul Schneider and Parker Posey, were sadly more like extras, mere furniture in the film, not fixtures. 
The true tragedy is, if this film had succeeded in producing even a single hopeful, likable character to root for, it would have been enough to redeem even the wooden performances of the least emotional actors in Hollywood.
I’ll say: 3/10
Splatter: on FILM 