Splatter: on FILM

If Benjamin Button lived forwards.

If Alec Baldwin kept a day job instead of  acting.

If Phil simply returned to Punxsa- tawney every  year on Groundhog Day.

This is One Day. July 15th over the course of 20 odd years.

Anne Hathaway tries an accent and ages very well. Maybe this is why some go to the movies: to experience real life. Reality TV still thrives. I don’t know. But, I go to get lost in mystery and story and to learn or remember or to walk away changed.

This is not that film. it tries. It has a lovely moment. But this is not that film.

Two people who only really have each other. Destiny? No. Disappointment. Disillusionment. Disdain…meant. Replace wonderment with monotony. Repeal the notion that British men are better. Relish in your own misery, as it is probably more fun than watching theirs.  You’ll enjoy the  local scenery, a live comic Wallace (minus dog Gromit), and clothing you’ll remember slash regret owning from the 80’s & 90’s. These joys, however, are too few and crush intensely under the massive weight of words unspoken and unmeant, of lives unlived and morbid regret, and of substance abuse and grief and death. This is not a happy film.

And I warn you:  know that you will check your phone, if only just to see the time… I know you’re not a child. I know that you know how annoying it is for that one light to flash up like a beacon in the darkened movie house. Yet, you will do it. Yes, Jim Sturgess will draw you back in with that ever-lovin’ Across the Universe half-smile of his. but you’ll grow weary and want to see who texted you three times.