Category: Animated

TRANSFORMERS 4 Age of Extinction (2014) movie review

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a sonnet in 14 lines

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The world may cry for Michael Bay to pay
For this atrocity Transformers 4
Explosive robot action sets the stage
For Autobots, Decepticons at war.

Mark Wahlberg plays the poor inventor dad
Who fights to rescue Optimus, the Prime.
Resenting daughter’s favorite Irish lad,
She cries, explaining all with “Dad, he drives.”

Your expectations low, you may survive.
No story. Endless end-of-world type threats.
The power swords bring dinobots to life
And oddly that’s when Stanley  Tucci sweats.

Three hours of my life I can’t get back,
The age of MY extinction come to pass.

Transformers-4-Age-of-Extinction-Cast transformers_38236 tf4 transformers_trailer_a_l_0

Visit Scarecrow Video!

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Scarecrow Video, just off of Roosevelt & 50th in the U District in Seattle has EVERY title! Ask any one of the employees as you walk in for any new release, genre, director, obscure indie or international title and their degree in film studies will register beneath the lenses, and a pointer finger will raise to the exact location of that movie. Beware. When I say EVERY movie…I mean it. Many are not for young eyes…or mine. But go.

If you remember seeing The Hunt for Red October on an old gigantic lazer disc and you’ve ever wanted to relive that experience, you can rent players there. Even VHS players (what are those, right?), and projectors for that backyard film fest. Remember that one that you saw with your mom on Turner Classics when you were little that just haunts you? They’ve got it. What’s that one Wes Anderson movie? It’s there, and they know.

So, go! Visit Scarecrow Video and support a local legend. If you have out of town guests coming in, show them Seattle and take them to Scarecrow. Let them pick the movie or take them to the Italian film section and rent Life is Beautiful for a lovely and memorable evening.  Say Hi to Kevin for me while you’re there. Shake his hand. He’s a good man.

I heart Scarecrow Video!

GNOMEO AND JULIET

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Lawn Gnomes in love.
+ Elton John music
+ a phenomenal cast that no one could afford to cast in anything but an animated feature (including James McAvoy, Emily Blunt, Michael Caine, Jason Statham, Maggie Smith, Patrick Stewart, Ozzy Osbourne, and Hulk Hogan)
= an animated masterpiece? … not so much.
I went in with very low expectations, which were met. I just finished teaching the book Romeo & Juliet, which I love teaching. Some of my students wanted to see it. Joy! They were the highlight; I absolutely loved watching them interact and make connections with the book (the few that existed…). There were sadly more connections to other films than to the actual Romeo & Juliet tale. They dropped movie lines like kids drop cash for candy. Forrest Gump, The Godfather, Brokeback Mt. Yup. They did.

Don’t see this. Really. And don’t take your children. And don’t make it a cult classic when it comes to DVD. Just read it. Perhaps I’m biased. Perhaps I’m jaded. Perhaps they took a funny idea like,  “Hey, let’s make an animated movie about lawn gnomes that fall in love.” Shakespeare is funny enough without froggy flirtation.

“I’m not a smart bird, but I know what love is.”

DESPICABLE ME

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I’m learning the hard way that if it’s not Pixar, I can expect some of what the rating board calls “crude humor.” Did I laugh with the junior high boys in the room? Okay. But would I want to take my little kids to it? I guess not. Now, I know that I watched The Love Boat as a kid and loved it. I missed ALL of the crude humor then. But somehow I feel that xeroxing butts and laughing, responding “Poop” in frustration, and calling the known Villain “hero” and “good dad” brings daddy issues to a whole new level.