Splatter: on FILM

THE IMITATION GAME (2014) movie review

January 19, 2015October 25, 20156 Comments

I’ve been impressed lately with films that exercise power over time. Jumping time zones, they show scenes during the war and jump seamlessly into post-war scenarios; scrub the screen black and pop right into the past. We follow without a hitch. Perhaps we can thank shows like Lost for allowing our minds the freedom to flash back or flash forward.

This Interstellar loop in a film’s string theory feels effortlessly achieved in Imitation Game.This effect was the film’s greatest achievement…aside from casting half of Downton, reconciling women’s rights issues, causing universal disgust over Britain’s punishment of homosexual behaviors, positing the potential effects of education on children within the autism spectrum, creating the first computer, decrypting Hitler’s Enigma machine, and winning the 2nd World War with math.

Needless to say, it forced a few too many plot lines. Benedict Cumberbatch could have simply saved the world with his math skills. That plot would have sufficed.

INTO THE WOODS (2014) movie review

January 12, 2015October 25, 20159 Comments

I’m not sure why I felt slightly unprepared to see this film. I had seen the play. My friend Steve played one of the princes when we were in high school. It was so funny. The show is meant to be overdone and overly dramatic. This film did achieve that properly over-the-top flair with wild vaudevillian acting, hard singing, and full-blown costumes and effects.
There were, however, those elements that would make anyone agonize wondering how much longer it could possibly go on. It’s an operetta, meaning they sing almost every line and the songs rarely find resolve. So, it feels like one very long song. So, in that vein, I attempted to write new lyrics to the film’s soundtrack below, expressing my disgust at points and over all true feelings for this film:

It’s too dark.
It’s one long song.
The themes are pushed.
What themes are those?
The themes of love conflicting with independence;
The theme of wishing for dreams but dealing with consequences.From bloody toes, to moments with Johnny Depp.

They turned him from wolf… to zuit suited pedophile. He’s a zuit-suited pedofile.

Yes.

Then Emily Blunt.
She sings so well,
but who could believe she’s a pauper’s wife.
She’s baking and singing, the baker’s wife.
The one whose attractions, temptations could end her life.
But oh, Chris Pine, I’d fall hard too.
I’d fall for you.
I’d bake you a cake, be the baker’s wife,
if it wasn’t for Anna Kendrick.

The film was set on just one set.
I can see right now how they could afford the make-up alone for Meryl Streep.
In so many scenes and always the same,
Yes, but she’s Meryl Streep.
She’s a wunderkind.
Agony.

HOBBIT Part 3: The battle of the five armies

January 4, 2015October 25, 20152 Comments

Think what you will about Peter Jackson and the Hobbitization of our current Middle Earth. He has Tolkeinized, making the author a current household name. His final final installment is so very…full. Mr. Jackson has been carrying the Ring for quite a while now, and all viewers, no matter how devout, can see that it’s begun to overtake him. It’s become a bit too precious to him and he…how can I say it delicately?…he Jar Jar’d the last Hobbit. It hasn’t been so terribly long since Hobbit the 2nd, and I kept wondering why Gandalf was caged like he was in Rings and how he got there and when the eagles would show up to save him. How much did we miss that there was suddenly “real love” between the dwarf and Kate from Lost? Why is Bilbo never hungry? And why didn’t we “desolate” Smaug in the 2nd by that title rather than pick up with the grimacing dragonslaying dad in prison and the town on fire. In the last year, I’ve had time to forgive Benedict Cumberbach. Sure, he played a mean Kahn, but he did win the 2nd world war with his math skills. Wait…

Despite the anticlimactic opener and Jackson’s forgivable faux pas(s), the wonderment and fantasy remained. The harmony of nature- it’s beasts of the realm and the dominion of Elves and Dwarves and Men. All rage and thirst and crave. All wield and sway and fight with proper swagger. All align forces to dispell and dissuade the Orc evils and their foes.

One of my students recently told me he has trouble ending his stories. My mother can never wait out the suspense; she reads the endings first. All stories must come to an end. And, Peter Jackson is a man who loves endings and resolve so much that he often offers twelve or more. You will feel the need to dust off the old LOTR extended editions.

Stories like Tolkein’s Hobbit allow each of us to become a dragonslayer in our own right. I want to live a good story and write stories with worthy endings. I like to think that all endings deserve the poetic excitement that Peter Jackson is so very famous for. If you saw the others, you must finish the saga which Jackson attempted to wrap up with a bow of Elvish rope carried atop a reindeer steed…just in time for Christmas.

HALLMARK MOVIES at Christmas

December 23, 2014November 7, 20158 Comments

Everything I ever needed to know I learned from Hallmark movies…

1. If business men are deeply in love with their jobs, they will never love Christmas. Or you.

2. Small towns become “Christmas towns” every December and always have a tree lighting, a perfect coffee shop for meeting up, and a man who looks uncannily like St. Nick. Children know this. They are wise beyond their years.

3. It’s truly amazing how very small items like an ornament, a cookie, a mitten, or a book can miraculously transform a heart and make it grow three sizes at least.

4. 37-year-old businesswomen have been so busy doing good for the world that they’ve missed out and now deserve all of the love and attention from everyone in their lives so they can find love at Christmastime.

5. Everyone should support small businesses and personal dreams.

6. Names matter. Noel. Kris. Nick. Joy. Kringle. Prancer.

7. Being brave may include visiting a new world, trying a new look, a new job, even impressing royalty, but mostly it means standing up for what you believe in.

8. Ice skating should be a real Christmas tradition because it’s both a sport and a way to bring people together. People rarely fall, but when they do, they laugh.

9. Love is hard to spot it first. But heads up – it always turns out to be the most amiable, best looking guy in town who also loves Christmas the most.

10. Miracles do happen…especially at Christmas. “It’s a Christmas miracle.”

A few favorites include :
Northpole – Tiffani Thiessen, a mom first, journalist second must help her small son revive the Christmas joy in a small town and find love before the lack of Christmas spirit extinguishes the Northpole’s magic.

The Nine Lives of Christmas – Pet lover needs to let love in before her firefighter hunk (and actual Superman) flies away. They share so much. Especially quirk, good looks, and a love for cats.

A Bride for Christmas – Thrice engaged interior designer must get over her commitment issues before she loses her new client and real man of her dreams. It’s Runaway Bride meets How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days…at Christmas.

A Boyfriend for Christmas – It’s self explanatory, really.

Christmas at Cartwrights – Single mom must secretly take a job as Santa Clause and hide her real identity or risk eviction and losing the love of the hunky manager of the men’s department.

A Royal Christmas – Philly girl must fit in with royalty if she wants to become Princess Bride. Starring Dr. Quinn and the girl from Party of Five, it’s the Prince & Me…at Christmas.

MOCKINGJAY PART ONE (2014) movie review

December 8, 2014October 25, 2015Leave a comment

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, as the truism states. I’m starting to understand the genius and momentum of the Hunger Games series. Suzanne Collins’s art does imitate life in that the reign of the Capital and it’s king mimics most historically dogmatic despotic dictatorships. “Moves and counter moves.” I’ve been told that her stroke of brilliance in the books was her use of first person narrative. Every reader’s point of view is through the eyes of Katniss making each reader the hero or heroine of the story. She is the symbol as Mockingjay, but is she savior or pawn? Well titled, well layered, well played. James Newton Howard’s score in this sets the tone, pacing it out to steady build and crescendo. Effie’s delightfully upbeat ignorance mirrors Haymitch’s comical cynicism – both necessary relief in a film about a holocaust which leads to civil war. Once again, these are not lightweight kid flicks. Children should not see them. No one should feel comfortable in theater seats as witness to mind control and murder. The scenes with Peeta are shocking and heartbreaking.This film is a mere echo of true historical events. Life, and art’s echo. No character demonstrates this more beautifully than Plutarch, played by Philip Seymor Hoffman, who has posthumously released a succession of brilliant performances. His premature death reeks of tragedy. Hoffman’s talent was a gift. He is uniquely comfortable on screen. Immersed in his broken characters, he always stole the stage, so to speak. The people he brought to life in his performances were so often weighed down by choice, response, and duty. Yet, watching his characters, you feel he has dice in his hand. At any moment he could throw and redirect course. He is flawed, unsafe, and somehow paradoxically both calculated and flippant. And Katniss, (and subsequently the audience) is caught in the balance of his imbalance. In Mockingjay, he plays cupbearer, navigator, first mate to the President of the future Panem, Julianne Moore. Is she untrustworthy? Perhaps. Unstoppable? No doubt. The stage is finally set. The first two arenas were literally child’s play. The Capital is the true arena, and the real game is afoot.

INTERSTELLAR (2014) movie review

November 22, 2014October 25, 20154 Comments

I like movies that take me a few days to process. Just as Inception was essentially a grand scale ensemble heist film, Oceans 11 without the humor, so Nolan’s Interstellar is an unlikely hero flick, Gravity add Star Trek sans quirk.

Wormhole space-time theories pre-date Einstein. String Theory represents years of mathematical probabilities working out into possibilities. Stories of space travel would be bland without wormhole potential, other worlds, the broadening of our galaxy.

Interstellar is intricate. Most sci-fi films feel heavy on the fiction and light on the science. This film makes the not-so-distant potential for a planet in crisis via natural disaster and global warming seem believable.

Interstellar is intriguing. I have always said that a good actor makes us believe that his or her totally unique world is real. Matthew McConaughey does just this. He’s good. We know he’s good. He knows he’s good. However, ironically, I kept waiting for him to get into his Lincoln and philosophize from the driver’s side. Anne Hathaway won me over by underplaying for the most part. Other phenomenal actors got less screen time than deserved: Jessica Chastain, perfectly cast, and Michael Caine, precious.

Interstellar is mystifying. Masterful. Like a sonata, notes on a page build to glorious melody evoking tension, future suspense, resolving with hope. Beautiful.

My one disappointment was the unnecessary humanist turn at the end. Spiritual hope is not ignorant propaganda. Most of the world claims some sort of spiritual and religious bias. Claiming humanity’s potential for evolutionary future and inevitable deification nullifies the mystery, cheapens it somehow. “It must be us. We got us here. We don’t know how, but we’ll get there someday, somehow.” (Loosely quoting Matthew McConnaughey here). Build up and let down. I prefer to hope in the unknown, not in humanity’s potential but in the paradox of hope in the unseen. I guess I choose faith.

CHEF (2014) movie review

November 3, 2014October 25, 20155 Comments

Jon Favreau has his moments. Sure. He’s won over Hollywood and Marvel, and made a lot of amazing friends along the way. He seems the quintessential action movie maker now.In my film class, I teach that he loves primary colors and that he sold an entire movie on a title alone. Guess which one…*cough *Cowboys & Aliens *cough. He’s an idea man, a dreamer, a big thinker. I respect that.Notches in his directing belt include Iron Man 1 & 2 and the Christmas Classic for this generation: Elf. He has also directed single episodes of favorite tv shows like The Office. He was an actor first. His presence on screen as an actor is sweet. He is likable. And though likable big thinking dreamers are not exactly rare, they are Willy Wonkas, a little mysterious, and potentially explosive. (Check out his impressive imbd credits). In the movie Chef, he decided to become triple threat, so he wrote, directed, and acted. He said he did this because this way he wouldn’t have to explain everything to everyone. This “little” film, compared to his big budget busters, stretches the big screen limits. To be honest, I didn’t really like the movie, but I loved all of the characters. Ironic. Food movies are fun, and this belongs on the thematic food movie shelf for its glorious twirling of noodles, cutting of cucumbers, taste-testing-slicing and event-making of food. My expectations low, a few friends called and told me to rent it. I knew the rating was for language and should have expected the frivolous freedom used, but this was real backstage, in kitchen, outtakes of Chopped kind of language. It totally removed from the story. Moments that were, I suppose, indie-funny, were unnecessary and distracting. Some scenes lingered and lacked story to hold audience attentions. Don’t see it for RDJ’s five minutes of unscripted screen time or Dustin Hoffman’s 10 minute window. Favreau has made great friends who were willing to film fast scenes and help him boost his indie. Lastly, I know I should not be bothered by the use of technology in films, but I am usually bothered three years later when everything is out of date. Perhaps this will gain an 80s timeless element, like a mix tape. Sadly, for me, the story didn’t carry the sweet characters very far. All were likable: all flawed, all gifted, and all rewarded when they decided to use their potentials selflessly for the good of others. I love the happy ending, and if anything, this film does have that payoff.So I suppose my critical review is that I liked the lava cake and the scallops because I don’t mind the classics, but the garnishing left much to be desired. The story was simple and the language was…expectedly indie. That, and you’ll crave a cuban sandwich for a week.

POMPEII (2014) movie review

November 3, 2014October 25, 20151 Comment

My ritual theater attendance has been hindered by life events and lack of interesting plots of late, so I offer a shredding of a recent rental: Pompeii.

If the sci-fi network and the movie Gladiator had a love child it would be Pompeii 2014. It is the exact story set in a new location. Perhaps plagiarism is excused when hot people reenact epic film moments. Not really.

This film stars many models who try to act and Kiefer Sutherland as …well Jack Bauer dressed like Julius Caesar. You’ll also recognize Moriarty from the RDJ Sherlock 2 & Mr. Eko from the show Lost. Some have British accents, and many have 8-pack ab muscles...if these abs could speak.

Tons of killing…but no blood. Well, okay a little blood. The city of Pompeii burns at the height of its power and glory. And they never saw it coming…despite the ash falling from the sky and constant earthquakes throughout. Also, despite the lava flow. The giant volcano erupted …out of nowhere, destroyed everything …literally everything.

If there is nothing left to watch. If it’s this or Sharknado 3. It’s still a tough call.

THE GIVER (2014) movie review

October 2, 2014October 25, 2015Leave a comment

It is usually considered better to give than to receive. In this 2014 film, the man known as the Giver must bestow on his new Receiver the entirety of humanity’s hurt, fear, and sorrow as well as its love, joy, and peace. An emotionless society, set apart (but never really explained), lives in safety, secure from all issues brought on by squeamish emotions or daily discomforts. Climate controlled, policed, and vaccinated from human emotion, this society employs the keeper of memory, Jeff Bridges, to provide the wisdom of the ages when necessary. He is the only one capable of empathy, also the only one who lies. He is the one who can see through the thin veneer of the “perfect” society, run by evil silver-fringed Meryl Streep who organizes the ceremony of selection which allows for each member of the community to be selected for his or her . Of course, when the memory is passed on and the younger, hotter Giver knows the truth and is brave enough to follow his convictions, he seeks to end the cycle of servitude and drone work by dispersing the kept memories of the ages to the whole community.

The sheer innocence of these characters makes world peace seem possible and the film feel implausible. Disappointing. Jeff Bridges, illustrious talent, co-produced this film. Perhaps this is why the film feels overly emotional and forced…he was too close close to it. Bridges wanted this film to be made. It meant something to him. He is the Giver, the mentor, the bleeding heart, the true hero.

Accepting this film as a faithful adaptation would require more than “precision of language.” The Lois Lowry novel, written post “1984,” the novel, but pre-Hunger Games and Diversion is the original Gattica. The book is beautiful, subtle, disturbing, intense, mysterious. Jonas is 13. He is gifted. His “stirrings” are only ever hinted at and not the essence of a budding romance but of puberty. There is no boundary. The memories, once given, cannot be retrieved, so the Giver shares once then loses them. Jonas becomes a Giver as he transfers memory to the child. The ending is illusive, questionable, fearful, precious, unresolved. The book is a Jackson “Lottery”-esque thinker left open-ended allowing the reader to imagine a hopeful ending despite the very few vague hints at hope.

Despite my disappointments at the simple-fixes of the film, I still liked it. I liked the characters, the transfer from black & white to color, the stories created, the happy ending. I liked that. It was too easy to fix the whole world. The transition to color was brief. The long slide down the banister was a hard to connect with moment, obviously meant to make more impact. Jonas has innocence and power. Idealistic. Taylor Swift’s overacted cameo makes her portray, well, a dramatic musician. Stretch.

MAGIC IN THE MOONLIGHT (2014) movie review

September 13, 2014October 25, 20153 Comments

Greetings from beyond the grave… Knock once for yes and twice for no.

Would you call this film one of Woody Allen’s best?

One knock.

We do write ourselves into characters, writing what we know, but don’t you think that the delightful, big-eyed Emma Stone is too many decades the junior to our flawed likable hero Colin Firth?

Two knocks.

True, Allen would have no trouble with the age-old question, so it could be good to note Allen’s perspective walking into this film. I believe that Allen’s accolades, well deserved, should not be withheld in lieu of his life choices. That’s taking personal vendettas too far. He is a brilliant filmmaker and writer. No question. He still pushes boundaries making viewers think. I have great respect for that skill as he puts it to use.

On a similar note, Allen girls rarely resemble Bond girls. Allen’s women are bold, conversational, talented, complex, sometimes quixotic but still intelligent, sexy, and confident. Allen paints women that women don’t mind watching and can relate to. Emma Stone is no exception. She is exceptional. Wouldn’t you agree?

One knock.

This film waxes Gatsby, doesn’t it?

One knock.

Lush 20’s sets, costumes, and lighting: perfect from every feathered hat to draping beaded gown. It’s silver screen smudged hues on golden twilight backdrops transport these modern actors into a golden age of Hollywood. You expect Cary Grant to attend the party and Grace Kelly to step into the scene for a quick visit at any point.

Magic in the Moonlight is a talkie, but the lack of action is rarely felt. Audience members are allowed somehow to feel equal with the characters on-screen. Tricked and sung to, questioned and valued. The actors saunter from one room to another, adjusting bow ties pondering the weather and waxing philosophical. Allen unabashedly tackles common taboo topics like religion and politics. Perhaps like Scorcese whose seeming quest is to find himself redeemable, Allen’s obvious discussion on-screen mirrors this by asking questions of the afterlife. This film questions the existence of God, mankind’s purpose on the planet, the truth in daily living, and the romance of magic.

Is he perhaps squeezing the brain to make room for the heart?

Three knocks.

Wait – what does that mean? Don’t you know? Okay, spirit from beyond, one final question:

Do you think that since Woody Allen’s last two films took place in France in the 20’s, that we can dare hope for a trilogy of sorts?

One knock.

Wonderful! Thank you so much, kind spirit, for the interview from beyond. Until next time…

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