Comedy – Page 3 – Splatter: on FILM

FAST AND THE FURIOUS 6 (2013) movie review

July 13, 2013October 25, 20151 Comment

It du’dnt git any betta than this.

It’s all about family, bro.

As long as the cars are fast.

I thank God for family and for fast cars.

Yes is the answer to all of your Fast and the Furious Six questions:Yes, there will be perfect jumps from fast-moving vehicles of all kinds, even from tanks and huge aircrafts.

Yes, there will be hard face punching.

Yes women are valued for their assets, meaning their strong brains and driving skills.

Yes, these hot girl(s) will be asked to take the wheel at least three times. Why? So either Vin or the Rock can jump from the car…on a bridge …to take out the bad guys …to save the world.

Yes, you should see it without kids that you are trying to influence for the better who may not understand the farce and who may decide to make these guys their roll models. No. Just no…and

Yes, there is a disclaimer in the credits that normal humans shouldn’t stunt in life, but you will be tempted.

Yes, this may fill you with knee-hugging joy that stays with you long after you leave the theater.

Yes, every low bar you set will be met.

Yes, Vin gets to finish every line.

And, yes, there will be a Fast 7.

You’re welcome, world.

THE INTERNSHIP (2013) movie review

June 15, 2013October 25, 20155 Comments

Vaughn and Wilson reunite to play two dads to a motley family of Googlers.

I had a joyous report on this one for the first hour plus. They had me at Quidditch. But, then they released the longest strip club montage to date.

I hate it when writers believe that it takes a sexual revolution to heal the nerd-wound. Third person Lyle cures the puns and gets the girl, lady all-talk prepares to give herself to more than manga, rebel texter chooses to put down both phone and sarcasm, and the abused perfectionist-type gets sauced (…and a few lap dances) and can suddenly conquer his fears.

This is it? We are supposed to believe that getting drunk at a club is the key to success and teamwork?

If you’re desperate to see it, fill the void and rewatch the trailers. They use ALL of the best jokes in the trailers.

PITCH PERFECT (2012) movie review

April 4, 2013October 25, 20154 Comments

Quotable quirk Glees it up retro style.

Perfunctory performances get shots of caffeine as iTunes goes 8Track and back again and young college students sing Hip Hop hits in the accapella bowl to win the proverbial Nationals title and trophy.

Screenwriter, Kay Cannon, also writes for the show New Girl. She wrote for 30 Rock. She wrote Baby Mama. She’s in some pretty respected territory as a comedy writer. (Check out her imdb.com credits.)

I hope that she doesn’t take offense to my comparison, but I see Pitch Perfect as a Bring It On for a new generation. I am one of a million who an claim Facebook friendship with Jessica Bendinger, a model turned screenwriter and novelist. When I met her a little over a year ago, she discussed writing the original Bring It On. She wisely said that staying up-to-date on “teen-speak” is impossible, so she made it up. Yes, she coined the terms from the film that students began to use fluidly, thereby adding her cast to the lineage of linguistically shaping likes of Bill & Ted and Wayne & Garth. She directed a film called Stick It, bringing Jeff Bridges back into his new era of casting calls. She moved into tv writing for Sex & the City, and now she gets the odd call for the those random $10k meetings. She too stays busy.

Pitch Perfect, written by Cannon, works the same magic for a new era of highly cynical, overly tech-stimulated youth. It gives them a moment to laugh at their generation’s penchant for karaoke tv shows like American Idol and The Voice. It’s full of crude humor and slap-stick pranks goaded on by the odd girthy-great loud and lazy Australian-born Rebel Wilson. What I liked about this film was that it makes fun of itself as it plays out. It isn’t trying to be more than quirky. It’s kitsch and that makes it kinda likable despite its expected level of locker room humor and language.

THE SWITCH (2010) movie review

March 24, 2013October 25, 20151 Comment

I’ve never seen a more ridiculous plot made into something quite so brilliant.

I’ve never really been a Jennifer Aniston fan, but here she is vulnerable and lovely. Jason Bateman, as usual, is beloved as the straight man. Jeff Goldblum makes any scene laughable, but memorable, while Juliette Lewis plays to stereotype as the perpetually high bf.

It’s truly ridiculous. Oddly neurotic but likable best bud guy friend who secretly loves his successful gorgeous single female best pal gets clobbered at the sperm party and replaces the donated sperm. Donor? Pretty Patrick Wilson. Nice. Stupid. Worst plot ever. It’s not funny. It’s horrifying.

Then somehow, twenty or so minutes in, I’m crying. I’m in love with Jason Bateman all over again. The music, the voiceover narration, the little boy, the daddy issues, the lovely family connections, the funny lines. This one is well written. If you can handle the low LOW concept and consider the acting for two minutes, you too can feel empowered to speak up when necessary in order to avoid the potentially costly and ridiculous antics of your own life. The Switch surprised me so much. I’m embarrassed to admit that saw it three times in a week. I kept it running. I replayed the precious moments to commit them to memory. Sure there is equal silly to smart in this one, but for some reason it also rings thoughtful, familial, precious.

Here Comes the BOOM (2012)

January 7, 2013October 25, 2015Leave a comment

Kevin James becomes a UFC fighter to save Henry Winkler‘s music teaching career.

Salma Hayek issues band aids, ice packs, and good advice while pro fighters laugh, punch, and pray before meals.

It’s a little bit Nacho Libre meets Mr Hollands Opus …meets School of Rock?

Believe it or not, it’s really likable. You appreciate Kevin James’s vaudevillian foibles and multiple transformations. I’ve never before appreciated UFC, but I think I could now.

James also reminds teachers everywhere that their jobs, no matter how daunting, are worthwhile and that friendship, education, and music are passions worth fighting for.

SAFETY NOT GUARANTEED (2012) movie review

November 5, 2012October 25, 20151 Comment

This film walks and quacks like an indie, taking indie flavored risks with an indie cast. It supports small budget dreams until a surprise ending.

It’s sweet and sour. At times I wanted the dialogue to be smarter, but then the quirk made it real, albeit vulgar and slow. Don’t get me wrong. It has some perfect moments of oddly likable chemistry.

The main characters, Aubrey Plaza from the show Parks and Rec and newcomer Mark Duplass were wonderful. I love the honesty and unpretentious swagger that they both maintain.

I expected more from Jake Johnson, best known currently as Nick on the show New Girl. In Safety, he plays the jerk who learns little and attempts to shepherd the innocent intern to walk in his ways. That whole story angle could have taken better turns, but it didn’t.

It was fun to see my friend, David Schultz in the film!

A would-be sweet film without fences. Anything can happen. Adventures worth taking are always risky, but I’m glad that this is just a movie.

Charlie Chaplin’s THE KID (1921) movie review

August 10, 2012October 25, 20151 Comment

In our era, we struggle to understand issues that people faced in bygone days. Charlie Chaplin understood and helped people emote to the harmonium’s repetitive tunes. He romanced the camera turning simplicity into hilarity and heartbreak.

2011’s best picture hit The Artist, gave modern audiences a sumptuous taste of film history. Oddly, it prepared me to watch this Chaplin film for the first time, and it was a lovely hour and a half spent.

I dare you to try it. Get to know the glorious black and white. Learn to read lips, facial expressions, and body language. Delight in young talent. Settle in for a short time at a safe distance from the chasm between poverty and prosperity that they knew too well in the 20’s. You may surprise yourself and fall for Chaplin’s flat feet, cane, and satche as I did.

SHERLOCK HOLMES: A Game of Shadows (2011)

January 8, 2012October 25, 20151 Comment

Not the usual second. Seconds usually infer either more of the same or the meanness of second skimmings.

In the case of Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows, I see ingenuity, creative freedom, and brilliant new camera work and effects. It maintains the same quick wit, cool chemistry, slow-motion prep scenes, and dry British charm while delivering well-paced action.

To quote Sherlock himself, so overt it’s covert.

This brilliant film stands alone and should be seen again.

The ticket price was worth it to see the war in the woods scene a second time.

MUPPETS (2011) movie review

January 4, 2012October 25, 2015Leave a comment

Muppets!
I know them. It all makes sense to me now. I’m a Muppet. If you can agree with the following list of ten items, you might just be a Muppet too.

1. You live to sing and dance and know there’s a song for everything.

2. You know that life is preparation for the next big show.

3. Friends can make it all better.

4. Celebs add appeal.

5. Kermit gets you and can relate to any emotion you may feel.

6. Like Kermit, you know you’ve got to be ready for anything at a moment’s notice.

7. Bad guys exist and always have a dirty deal in mind, and they can only be taken down with Karate.

8. Pig Karate.

9. When we all get together, the show will go on.

10. With a little help from our friends and a smashing finale, we can make it, accomplish any goal, seize any opportunity and sing our way to success!

Your SCORE= If you said “AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHaaaaahhhhhhg” to 8 or more of the above: Congratulations, you are a Muppet! If you coo’d and crooned to any of the above, you’re an honorary and perhaps lucky enough to be one of the “lovers, the dreamers, and me.” If you said a snarky “Really?” to any of the above, you have no soul.

ELF (2003) movie review

December 26, 2011October 25, 20154 Comments

It is…afterall…the quintessential Christmas movie. It’s the new generation’s Lampoon or Red Rider BBGun.

At Christmas time the poetry of Billy Collins waxes shiny in my mind.

As the poet laureate of our United States, Collins writes a poem a day. His word-smithing wages war between the subtle sarcastic and the eloquent exquisite. I’d like to take this moment to dedicate the following poem to you.

Insert “Litany”: a recitation by a precocious 3 year old (below).

Billy Collins tricks his readers, prone toward exhaustive exposition of “the deeper meanings” within, into laughing at themselves, at life, and at all things taken far too seriously.

So pair the far-sighted farce with light-hearted fun and watch Elf to your heart’s content knowing it may not be the pine scented air. But it certainly is the pigeon on the general’s head.

Christmas is a Baby in a manger who, if born into this century would have loved nothing more than sitting by you as this silly lovely movie plays.

So to you and to me, on this Christmas day, know that somehow to me…

You will always be the bread and the knife.

Litany

You are the bread and the knife,
the crystal goblet and the wine.
You are the dew on the morning grass
and the burning wheel of the sun.
You are the white apron of the baker,
and the marsh birds suddenly in flight.

However, you are not the wind in the orchard,
the plums on the counter,
or the house of cards.
And you are certainly not the pine-scented air.
There is just no way that you are the pine-scented air.

It is possible that you are the fish under the bridge,
maybe even the pigeon on the general’s head,
but you are not even close
to being the field of cornflowers at dusk.

And a quick look in the mirror will show
that you are neither the boots in the corner
nor the boat asleep in its boathouse.

It might interest you to know,
speaking of the plentiful imagery of the world,
that I am the sound of rain on the roof.

I also happen to be the shooting star,
the evening paper blowing down an alley
and the basket of chestnuts on the kitchen table.

I am also the moon in the trees
and the blind woman’s tea cup.
But don’t worry, I’m not the bread and the knife.
You are still the bread and the knife.
You will always be the bread and the knife,
not to mention the crystal goblet and–somehow–the wine.

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