Category: Action

FAST FIVE

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My brother took me to the perfect birthday movie: FAST FIVE. Imax. Bellevue. 11am. I’m one of 2 girls in the theater. This movie has everything that a true action movie should: a) non-stop, pump-up action scenes

b) fist pumping and high-fiving (puns intended)
c) explosions and hot people

d) high kicks and crazy parkour jumps off of buildings

e) short sentences

f) family bonding and team training scenes ala Oceans 11,12,&13.

g) fast face close-ups leading to slow curving half smiles that exude those juicy one-liners like Vin’s “We gonna need some guns.” followed by his, “We gonna need some cars.”
[aside: I think I need more Vin in my life].
And finally, what we’ve all been asking Santa Clause for for years now: a muscle to muscle, brawn to brawn, fist battle between Vin and the Rock.
Mark Sinclair Vincent versus Dwayne Johnson. Pipe-busting, cement-crushing, face-mashing, throat-choking fun. I haven’t laughed so hard in a movie since…

This one is about loyalty, about fatherhood, about sticking up for your family and your friends, against the Brazilian bad guy who smuggles hot cars and weapons and drugs, who uses the police to forward his cause, who kills blindly for money in Rio – …gorgeous, sweaty, tropical, colorful, crowded Rio.

SOURCE CODE

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[HINT: 9 action film titles are hidden in the review below.]

Well done, director Duncan Jones (son of David Bowie). From it’s inception, this film knows it must have a target audience with high expectations. It’s essentially catering to film tourists. Despite the apparent clash, the titan who traverses the continuum through the darkness of one night only to tread the dawn of an uncertain next day, Jake Gyllenhaal heroically sleuths like a true Holmes from moment one without forcibly satisfying the classic need to tell the background details right away. They unfold these truths in tandem with the plot – how refreshing! Exciting, intriguing, and true to code: Sci Fi action at it’s best: See it.

LIMITLESS

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WARNING: The following must be read into with overt sarcastic undertones, (which might then be noted as overtones…hmm).

This film is truly limitless. I learned so much about the human psyche, about the healthy restoration of relationships, about the negative elements of substance abuse. In fact, it made me feel that I, too, should strive for a future on Wall Street, or better yet, in politics. It reminded me that the true creative centers of the brain, once unleashed, will be used for the benefit of human life universal, and not for selfish gain. I learned that I am only limited by filth and ugliness – that pretty people are smarter. And, that clean people have more fun. I learned that a majority of the world’s smartest and best are actually simply drug addicted, and that medication is a secret weapon for success.

Ugly hair Bradley Cooper, pre-NZT (his drug of choice)

Actually, on a SERIOUS note= this is a terrible movie. The dizzying, long, panning shots through taxi cabs and into the brain’s internal censors are fast masks to cover the ridiculous story-line and worse writing. And, Brad, old Blue Eyes, you should never narrate. Or act. …modeling. Modeling might be your gig. Or comedy. But your message to the world with this film is that drugs are good. WRONG! Bad Blue Eyes. Drugs ARE BAD. They don’t make you famous or popular or smarter. In fact, sci-en-ti-fic studies prove that drugs actually kill parts of your brain – parts you will never get back, parts that some may have used to write, direct, and produce this unfortunately barbaric blockbuster (…blood slurping? really? I have not been this incensed since, well, since another blood slurping, lessonless plot-forsaken flick was released (See Sci-fi, Eclipse). Please do not join the masses who will see this and come one step closer to actually accepting that murder and lascivious living is acceptable, tolerable, or worse: funny. Rather, note the irony in the title, think of someone you know who struggles with addictive tendencies, and recognize this for what it really is: Limited.

STAR TREK

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J.J. Abrams revives the tribute of my lifetime. I had no idea that years of choosing to spend time with my dad in front of what he just affectionately categorized as “Sci-Fi” would turn me into a Trekkie. Sure, I’ve heard of Tribbles, Jean-Luc Picard is my personal Gandalf-esque mentor, and Janeway reminded me of my more feminist professors in my more mind-shaping classes. What of it? It was about the phasers set to stun and the Vulcan mind meld and the hyccup phrasing of Captain Kirk.
Now, however, the crew members of the Starship Enterprise are my age, Starfleet Academy is accepting applications, Bones is attractive, Romulans have a nasty streak, and I want Chris Pine to father my children.

CLASH OF THE TITANS

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Today, the epic clash ensued between titans! Greek Gods, demigods, and men battled for the power over and worship of mankind. Liam Neeson (the one I deemed my 2nd Dad after Taken) plays an ever-powerful Zeus, and Ralph Fiennes (an excellent Voldemort and beautifully fascinating creature indeed) is again the antagonist as Hades. Both typecast? Not likely…but commonly cast certainly. Aslan most definately released the kraken today.
Much like the sense of familiarity when smells evoke memory, so somehow my childhood was laced with these adventures and 80’s wonders. Perseus must defeat Medusa, ride the pegasus, and destroy the kraken. I’ve always known this somehow.
It seemed somehow appropriate that this film would come out right before Easter – the day of the resurrection of THE hero – the salvation of the world. The one sent by His Father to save us all. It was interesting that Zeus said in the film, “I will not sacrifice my son for the sake of humanity.” When that is exactly what God did. The legendary superman lives on in echo through characters like Perseus, but we must never equate these to Jesus. The Greek gods were selfish, angry, too like humans.
Yet the Greeks of old constructed temples and made sacrifices to appease these gods. We see the fanatic followers on the screen and laugh because we have forgotten that so much of creation is re-creation – this was religion for so many not so long ago.
I like an epic action flick, so I again donned the 3D’s today to spend a few hours vicariously saving the world. There was no nudity or language, and only black blood. Don’t take little kids, cause they’ll pee the $14 seats. It’s fun, though. Dangerous and fun. Hmm. Two words I associate with God. Call me unique, but I do. Happy Easter, all! Blessings.

HE is risen indeed!

GREEN HORNET…2011

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After an extensive Google search, a facetious few clicks, I found a Seth Rogen quote that works, “As an irresistible idiot, I’m quite good.” At least he admits it, and hits it in this one quote. As the star, screenwriter, and producer, Seth Rogen must have something going on beyond his half-baked persona. No, yes, that was a question. I’m wondering.

The hero of this film, if not the car, is the Sam-wiser kickbutt sidekick Jay Chou, a real life pop star. He gave much of the dimension to this easy-to-swallow piece. Most of the writing felt all-boy, like when you overhear Grandmas discussing how little boys just love to drop and kick and crush things. I think I counted 5 deaths via dropped heavy objects, like tractors. So, to the little boys who wrote, starred in, and directed this silly film, thanks for a few hearty laughs and as many grimaces, for an evening away purely for entertainment, and for proving that you don’t really need your brain to create or watch blockbusters. Once again, to quote the mastermind behind The Green Hornet revival, Seth Rogen, “But, I’m very stupid.”

So, to sum this up I’ll give you a basic conversation that I’m hearing as I write this at a coffee shop in Seattle (sidebar – I love that anywhere I go, people are talking film. Powerful.) Two guys nearby:
“I really like Seth Rogan. He’s pretty funny. It’s just that the 3D is so bad. We even did Imax 3D. This was like… there were scenes where I was like, ‘Are you kidding me?’ The jerking of the camera through scenes is just really bad. The 3D is just really bad. The story was entertaining…”