Category: Skip It

WOLVERINE (2013) movie review

4 Comments

wolverine_ver6I am sad to report that this film was a shameful contribution to an already too slobbery Wolverine franchise.  I usually respect director James Mangold for his visual decisions. I loved his 3:10 to Yuma, and Night and Day was just plain fun. Though not all great decisions, I did recognize some of his signature camera angles in this, his stunt tricks like killing off the same guys more than once, and his forced Christ-pose via tethered arrows. I was surprised at his choice to spare audiences the sight of blood, perhaps keeping it PG-13. The Wolverine’s 3-prong approach is usually a bloody business. Not here.
Hugh-Jackman-in-The-Wolverine-2013-Movie-Image2-e1359755497637

Perhaps we blame the cuts made on the editing floor – or rather the cuts that should have been made. The Venomous skin-peeler could have made fewer appearances, said almost no lines and still perfected her 80’s snake dance move at the end. THE WOLVERINEEvery scene took a mini-series pace. This movie made an episode of Downton seem rushed.  Hugh Jackman, though I’m a great fan of his body…of work, could have left his one liners at the door and sung this. There’s an idea! Wolverine the musical!

The WolverineThis tale follows our hero from Japan at the end of the Second World War to animal activism in Alaska, through too many Inceptionesque visits with nightie-clad ghost Jean Grey, and back to Japan.

Upon re-entry into Tokyo, it feels like a remake of The Karate Kid Part 2. kkRemember when Mr. Miyagi takes Danielson back to Okinawa? Ralph Macchio fights the angry cast off son, wins the girl who falls in love with him over a tea ceremony, and finally fights in the great battle at the end to the sound of spinning drums. It’s all here in this film. But I really missed that Peter Cetera song in this one.  So, here you go:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgRw3m4h13c&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Wolverine-2013-ED-10

 

THE INTERNSHIP (2013) movie review

5 Comments

INTERNSHIPVaughn and Wilson reunite to play two dads to a motley family of Googlers.

image

DF-05960_05970_R copy.JPG

I had a joyous report on this one for the first hour plus. They had me at Quidditch. But, then they released the longest strip club montage to date.

I hate it when writers believe that it takes a sexual revolution to heal the nerd-wound. Third person Lyle cures the puns and gets the girl, lady all-talk prepares to give herself to more than manga, rebel texter chooses to put down both phone and sarcasm, and the abused perfectionist-type gets sauced (…and a few lap dances) and can suddenly conquer his fears.

This is it? We are supposed to believe that getting drunk at a club is the key to success and teamwork?

 

 

The-Internship1

If you’re desperate to see it, fill the void and rewatch the trailers. They use ALL of the best jokes in the trailers.

 

 

PLAYING FOR KEEPS (2012) movie review

Leave a comment

It’s a travesty. Don’t let the sweet abs of Gerard Butler or his Scottish accent lure you into this trap.
I’m pretty sure it’s unscripted, allows every character to play hyperbolically to the crazy-person persona, and took perhaps 3 days to film. It’s horrible. I tried to watch it with a group, and when our shocked groans grew louder than the film, we paused and decided unanimously to turn it off.

One plus hours in, Butler is still avoiding time with his son to bed down the soccer moms who ridiculously lure him in. This is awful. How anyone could buy in to his gaining a moral compass after the first hour is beyond me. That’s obviously the goal: bad dad turns good. Reverse the role, and this becomes the hooker-with-a-heart-of-gold scenario, and we’re just not buying it.

Discussing toe-nail clippings is more edifying…and perhaps more entertaining. Please spare yourselves.

Playing-for-keeps-poster

THE ODD LIFE OF TIMOTHY GREEN (2012) movie review

3 Comments


I was told to bring tissues. If only confusion made me cry…

The spoilers below are ponderances following this odd film.

In short: memorable characters say purposeless lines in search of little plot.

It was Benjamin Button for kids – not a compliment. The Greek playwright Euripides once said, “Question everything. Learn something. Answer nothing.” Though I consider this a futile quest, I followed his request and sought help and insight from the two brilliant minds in the picture below to review and discuss this film. Here are many of our questions:

Timothy –

  • Why the leaves on his legs? Leaves made of steel? Oh, well if Edward had scissors for hands…

    Why the endless arm stretching when the sun came out? If he lived in Arizonawould he just stand like that all the time? Is that how he gained his super strong leaf strength? Why did Timothy know so much? Was he from the future? WAS he a tree? They planted him. He sprouted. He knew them. Did he believe in God? Is that why the gardener turned gospel singer in the end? Did the fall season correllate with his leaf loss. Why did he gift his leaves? Some of his leaves turned color. Others didn’t. Why no warning that he was leaving…or should i say leaf… no. Sorry. Too soon.

    The Town –

  • Can you base a movie on a writing utensil? – Stanleyville, home of the pencil. Very small town. Does one factory a whole town make? Jennifer Garner works in a pencil museum without mention of the boredom factor…odd.
  • Who is the crotchety museum lady?  The boss of the town? Was that drawing scene way too creepy?  Too Titanic.  And why did the town erupt in cheers when the same woman said my favorite line from the film: “If this boy can grow leaves from his legs then we can make pencils from leaves!” What does that mean? How do those connect at all?The Director –
  • I can’t tell if this film was pro-adoption propaganda or a subliminal drug / anti-drug campaign. ???
  • What’s the lesson to be learned here? Stop crying. Get tipsy. Bury your hopes in the garden. And you’ll get a Timothy who matches all your dreams??? Please say no.
  • …the gardener singing in the choir at the end? Who was that guy? Was he ashamed of his…faith? of his…green thumb?
  • Shouldn’t Timothy have come from an egg or a meteor? Like Superman or Condorman?The Family –
  • …the odd sibling rivalry? “My kid’s better than your kid.” Does that really happen to that extent? Is anyone ever that cruel to adopted children? “Now that my accomplished musician kids have performed in their home recital, you get up here and perform little boy…” Cruel.
  • …the most inane marital spat caught on camera to date? “I’m not the worst parent in this house.” ” Yes you are.” “No I’m not.” “I’m the worst.” “No I am…”
  • Who lets angry grandpa with a nasty arm pummel all the little kids at dodgeball? Parents stood around and supported this guy who usually doesn’t get invited to these surprise family picnics…?
  • …family recitals?The Girl …I saved her questions for last…
  • Why would a mean, emo, teenage girl with no friends or family to speak of choose to spend all of her time making weird hippie tree art with kid she doesn’t know?

  • Is she only attracted to those that hurt her?
  • Could she not have been given just a few lines in the movie  so we could understand her purpose there? Her one line, “Duh,” just didn’t do it for me.
  • She obviously felt super kindred with him because of her unsightly but completely hidden birthmark…?
  • The boy is 10 years old, and he chooses to “love and be loved by her?”
  • She shows up carrying signs, “I’m with ‘0’?” It’s too much.

 

Little Timothy is sweet, guileless. He can’t help himself. Jen Garn & Joel Edgerton were great, funny.  Sadly, even the 0ver-explanatory framed narrative couldn’t offer connection in this very odd tale.

ROCK OF AGES (2012) movie review

6 Comments

I’ll never listen to Journey the same way again.
Image
Call this film a cautionary tale.

Perhaps the message was: never move to L.A. You’ll end up a stripper, or a member of a boy band, or a filthy politician, or in love with a rock god, or worse…you’ll become the rock god and never find real love.

Cautions all. Here’s another one: Caution: don’t see this movie. Never before have I yelled mid-film,  “This is the worst movie I have ever seen!” And I’ve seen some bad’uns.
ImageFirst, it’s a musical. Hairspray and Mama Mia meet Spinal Tap minus Christopher Guest. Someone should have let this all star cast in on the inside joke before they took it too seriously.

Image

Some, like C.Z.Jones played it camp, like a native of the theater would. She was awful. I’m so embarrassed for her. Her redemption? Possibly only the presence of Bryan Cranston as her fidgety spouse.

Do not be fooled into seeing this for Alec Baldwin. He comes out in this film in more ways than one, and he proves to the world, much like Pierce Brosnan did in Mama Mia, that he should never sing. And Russell Brand shouldn’t act. Facts.
ImageFinally, expect less from Tom Cruise. He put on quite a performance. Certainly, I couldn’t be anything but impressed by his singing voice and on-stage performances. A clip of Cruise as Stacee Jaxx will no doubt add to the clips from his lifetime body of work when they show it at the Oscars in 30 years. His insanity will never be questioned again. This film slipped him right back onto Oprah’s couch. Like a method actor, he played the Rocker with intense realism. He was gag-ably sexual and far too naked. Nasty.

I should have walked out. I finally joined the people next to me in fist pumping and cell phone waving. We must have laughed for an hour after it was over. Sadly we were laughing at, and not with.