Action – Page 9 – Splatter: on FILM

THE LONE RANGER (2013) movie review

September 8, 2013October 25, 20155 Comments

Solid ideas, explosive execution, but they forgot to choose an audience.
It’s too scary and gory for kids (the bad guy is also a cannibal …gruesome). But it’s too silly for most adults. (Johnny’s big repeated physical joke is feeding a dead crow that he wears on his head.) It’s classic Johnny Depp in every scene. He drops one-liners and quirky quips throughout. It felt like The Hatter got a facelift. Then it just exhausted with the second layer of Johnny as an old man telling the story. Overkill. Over overkill. Deathly overkill.

Armie Hammer was a great cast for the role. He pretties up the screen and makes the character likable. The Lone Ranger icon came into existence in comic books and on televisions in the 1940’s. Echoes from my grandfather prepared me to recall of the name of his friend “Tonto” and the Ranger’s call: “Hi-Ho Silver, away!” These were not, however, enough to endear the premise of this drawn out and violent film.

RED 2 (2013) movie review

August 20, 2013October 25, 20151 Comment

I can’t decide on a solid thumbs up or down on this one, so here is the good, bad, & ugly revealed:

The GOOD guys are still killers with blood lust. The one innocent character maintains an almost perverse fascination while holding to her “please don’t kill them” m.o..

The best of best actors converge here as quirky assassins offering and receiving relationship advice as they travel the world.

The BAD: massive body count. Laughable to most audiences but unbelievable in sheer numbers. It’s almost all action and shooting. It of course has sweet moments, but mingled in murder. A scene that shows this most aptly is one in which Helen Mirren sits in evening gown, fur stole, and jewels offering tips over the phone on how to keep romance alive, all while she disposes of numerous bodies.

The UGLY truth is that death is not well received in real life. One death in the family produces real and long lasting grief. What are we allowing with this senseless satisfaction in calling murder entertainment? Yes, I love a good crime drama. Hitchcock is a favorite, and he was quoted once saying, “I’ve brought murder back into the home where it belongs.” We often say we will protect children from watching too much violence and sex, but what about ourselves? Murder is wrong. We know this. But when do we begin to enjoy mayhem rather than protect our minds from the force of evil disguised as comedy?

WOLVERINE (2013) movie review

July 31, 2013October 25, 20154 Comments

I am sad to report that this film was a shameful contribution to an already too slobbery Wolverine franchise. I usually respect director James Mangold for his visual decisions. I loved his 3:10 to Yuma, and Night and Day was just plain fun. Though not all great decisions, I did recognize some of his signature camera angles in this, his stunt tricks like killing off the same guys more than once, and his forced Christ-pose via tethered arrows. I was surprised at his choice to spare audiences the sight of blood, perhaps keeping it PG-13. The Wolverine’s 3-prong approach is usually a bloody business. Not here.

Perhaps we blame the cuts made on the editing floor – or rather the cuts that should have been made. The Venomous skin-peeler could have made fewer appearances, said almost no lines and still perfected her 80’s snake dance move at the end. Every scene took a mini-series pace. This movie made an episode of Downton seem rushed. Hugh Jackman, though I’m a great fan of his body…of work, could have left his one liners at the door and sung this. There’s an idea! Wolverine the musical!

This tale follows our hero from Japan at the end of the Second World War to animal activism in Alaska, through too many Inceptionesque visits with nightie-clad ghost Jean Grey, and back to Japan.

Upon re-entry into Tokyo, it feels like a remake of The Karate Kid Part 2. Remember when Mr. Miyagi takes Danielson back to Okinawa? Ralph Macchio fights the angry cast off son, wins the girl who falls in love with him over a tea ceremony, and finally fights in the great battle at the end to the sound of spinning drums. It’s all here in this film. But I really missed that Peter Cetera song in this one. So, here you go:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgRw3m4h13c&feature=youtube_gdata_player

FAST AND THE FURIOUS 6 (2013) movie review

July 13, 2013October 25, 20151 Comment

It du’dnt git any betta than this.

It’s all about family, bro.

As long as the cars are fast.

I thank God for family and for fast cars.

Yes is the answer to all of your Fast and the Furious Six questions:Yes, there will be perfect jumps from fast-moving vehicles of all kinds, even from tanks and huge aircrafts.

Yes, there will be hard face punching.

Yes women are valued for their assets, meaning their strong brains and driving skills.

Yes, these hot girl(s) will be asked to take the wheel at least three times. Why? So either Vin or the Rock can jump from the car…on a bridge …to take out the bad guys …to save the world.

Yes, you should see it without kids that you are trying to influence for the better who may not understand the farce and who may decide to make these guys their roll models. No. Just no…and

Yes, there is a disclaimer in the credits that normal humans shouldn’t stunt in life, but you will be tempted.

Yes, this may fill you with knee-hugging joy that stays with you long after you leave the theater.

Yes, every low bar you set will be met.

Yes, Vin gets to finish every line.

And, yes, there will be a Fast 7.

You’re welcome, world.

WHITE HOUSE DOWN (2013) movie review

July 4, 2013October 25, 20156 Comments

It’s worth it. The lines never felt forced. Everything worked. The actors were great. There was enough felt tension to make the comic relief enjoyable. I thought Channing Tatum would overcompensate with sincerity to knotch up from eye-candy, but he didn’t. He made it feel real. I thought Jamie Foxx might overly-Obamatize his character, but he did not. And, as promised, the White House does indeed go down. The rule of thumb in Hollywood seems to be: release the same concept in the same month and see which film tanks. This is all about Antz (1998) vs. A Bug’s Life (1998). Or Mirror Mirror (2012) and Snow White and the Huntsman (2012), although those two are are a toss-up. They pushed a quick release this year for Olympus has Fallen with Gerard Butler. Somehow I knew to wait, and I was glad I did. White House Down is the same in name only. The story works, it’s fun, and it stars some trusted names like Maggie Gyllenhaal and Richard Jenkins.

Though director Roland Emmerich unforgivably released the torturous film 2012 (2009), he also made the film Independence Day (1996). So, it seems appropriate to write this review today, July 4th.

Independence Day. Now there’s an American classic. Nothing screams freedom better than Will Smith punching Aliens in the face, than Jeff Goldblum solving the alien math-speak while wooing women, than Randy Quaid yelling “Up yours” while flying kamikaze into an alien ship, or than Bill Pullman giving his presidential speech. Now that’s a national treasure.

guiltypleasures-independence-day-590x350

MAN OF STEEL (2013) movie review

June 23, 2013October 25, 20151 Comment

Epic film or epic fail?

In his interview with Russell Crowe, Jimmy Fallon called Steel “…a giant film.” He’s right. The effects are phenomenal. The star power triumphant. But, the story?

My Man of Steel Report Card grade = C-

A+ – casting Henry Cavill. He’s just got beautiful…uh…acting skills.
A grade – performances from Russell Crowe & Kevin Costner.

F – for Originality. Plagiarism plagued the pages of this script. “…it’s a singularity. A black hole in space.” Then the tripod, planet-searing octoship heads through the explosive space anomoly. I was shocked that no one thought to eject the warp core and say, “I’m givin her all she’s got Captain.” Throwback? To Trek 2009? Someone obviously didn’t listen to JJ Abrams give his TED Talk and say something close to “If you’re gonna rip anything off, rip off the character. You don’t rip off the Shark from Jaws.” Steel stole the shark.

Any other stolen bits in this our pun-titled Man of Steel? How about those metallic robot tentacle arms from outer space? They are from Avengers, yes? The ship from Prometheus buried in the mountain? Amy Adams was in a first season Smallville episode. Sadly, they should have left her there. Too cruel? Too soon? I don’t know. Even a vocal octave drop couldn’t turn Enchanted princess Amy Adams into the hard-hitting, danger-loving one-of-the-boys newshound Lois Lane.

What this movie failed to steal from Supers past was some much needed Clark-Lois chemistry, purposeful action sequences, Daddy issues based on trust, Christ-figures without the pressure of perfection, and thoughtful dialogue.

So many beautiful shots do not make up for the fact that Lois found out Clark’s secret identity in a day and made a quick trip to the farm to meet Martha then into space without a hitch.

My pal Steve called me today, still mad about this Superman tale gone awry. He said, “Character development between Clark and Lois was ridiculous. One moment they are strangers, the next they are having an intimate moment surrounded by a hundred soldiers waiting for the Kryptoninans to pick up Clark. Come on!!!!”

I know, Steve. I know.

STAR TREK INTO DARKNESS (2013) movie review

May 27, 2013October 25, 20158 Comments

We are here as witnesses to one another’s stories. Some stories I just wouldn’t want to miss. This film excavates human emotion while exploding (quite literally) on-screen. I love JJ Abrams. He understands my need to connect with the characters and my almost equal desire for on-screen action. He took the Trek dynasty to another level. My expectations, though very high, were more than met. I felt lucky to witness this.

Lessons in leadership: I swear it was like watching Twenty-seven Secrets of Highly Effective Leaders onscreen (…I made up that book title FYI). ie…Sometimes we must fight the instinct to go out guns blazing and instead trust the people around us to use their gifts to work together in order to win the day.

Favorite moments: The heartbreaking wordless scene near the beginning felt “Up“esque in its ability to tell a visual story. Beautiful. Brilliant.

Music in Film: I love Giacchino’s scores. I’m always listening for LOST moments in his sound.

“Stop with the metaphors, Bones!”: What did they say in the special featurette of the first JJ Star Trek film (2009)? …something to the tune of “Star Trek has always been beautiful classical music. Star Wars is rock and roll. We wanted to combine the two.” That’s what they’ve done with the new Trek films. There are so many gorgeous nods to old Trek, aka Tribbles, Spock yelling “Kaaaaaahhhhhnnn!” Oh, and that Cumberbatch… I just love it all.

Here is a link to my review of the 2009 Star Trek film: https://splatteronfilm.wordpress.com/2011/03/20/star-trek/

In this next chapter, Captain Kirk’s story needed an arch. He HAD to play the classic pompous pilot ignoring his mentor’s pleas for humility, fight an impossible battle, and sacrifice for the good of the many. What happens when we must bury our mentors? Perhaps the last lesson they taught becomes the loudest voice, the unsolved mystery, the final fight left unresolved. Frodo had to go on alone to deliver the ring. Superman had to find his birth father to fulfill his destiny. Skywalker had to become a Jedi against all odds. Each of us must listen to our mentors, make choices, and learn from our mistakes. Sometimes we must venture into the darkness of our own hearts to recognize that even heroes need saving.

IRON MAN 3 (2013) movie review

May 27, 2013October 25, 20152 Comments

No complaints.
Honestly. It’s got humor, heart, action, life lessons…and RDJ.

Robert Downey Jr IS Iron Man. Iron Man IS Robert Downey Jr. Inseparable. Fortified. Legendary. Justified.

Downey is the essence of a modern-day hero. We all seemingly enter this world craving heroism, “flying” cape-clad from childhood. This star-struck peter-panistic hero-lust curbs at the same moment we are out of Peter’s reach. We somehow tie “growing up” to the realism of clipping those wings ourselves, and in that moment we cease to be infallible, heroic, bulletproof, eternal.

I cry for the grown ups who have lost their sense of Neverlandish wonder, but the redemption and awakening stirs in the hearts of even the most grown up with the iron suit that makes an ordinary man with a brain heroic. That’s what movies like Iron Man 1-3 do for us.

I must take a moment to ponder expectations.

A respected colleague recently blasted Baz Luhrmann’s Gatsby film. I wanted to write my thoughtful rebuttal but realized the futile fruitlessness of fighting one opinion versus another.

Inwardly, I resolved that I like it when people disagree with me (albeit only graciously expressed antagonism is truly appreciated).

Movies are art. They are meant to create conversation. No critic holds the key or the corner on great films. Personal perspectives matter, making the industry diverse. Movies are personal, yes. You put down my favorites, I feel put down. But know this: like it or hate it, art should be shared and discussed.

Heroes are echoes of our excellent, odd-beautiful selves. Learn from heroes like our Iron Man: we all have potential for greatness mixed with humility, for self-sacrifice, and for true love that conquers all.
For only with great whimsy can we glimpse the infinite and soar once more.

OBLIVION (2013) movie review

May 4, 2013October 25, 20155 Comments

Oblivion.

More Tom Cruise than you thought possible in a single film.

Despite extensive and irreconcilable plot holes, Oblivion is visually stunning.

If you care more about the visual than the plot, you will call the unfortunate plot moments “twists.” You will quickly forgive those final lines that sound a lot like those spoken by Randy Quaid in ID4… You won’t find the title ironic, at all. You will personally resolve that beautiful people working together on a beautiful film will always make something meaningful. You will appreciate the splendor of a house in the clouds. Your belief in Morgan Freeman as the God-figure of film in this era will perhaps deepen. Your post-apocalyptic hope will grow to the point that you may even see that new Will Smith movie coming out. And your Christmas toy list will include the newest x-wing as flown by Tom Cruise in this movie.

When you see it, watch for the classical allusions to famous art and literature: A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens and the painting Christina’s World by Andrew Wyeth (1948, MOMA, NY). These are purposefully and artfully placed in the film adding richness. I appreciated the opinions of this blogger on the painting’s meaning: thefineartdiner.blogspot.com

See Oblivion on IMax. Each shot is breathtaking and sci-fi wonderful.

G.I. JOE: RETALIATION (2013) movie review

April 15, 2013October 25, 20154 Comments

Titans clash in the throng as the epic battle for world domination ensues. The quintessential caricature-ized talking heads of the world gather, nuke briefcases in tow. One push of the red button and…obliteration.

Only the specially trained forces can stop it.

Bruce Willis, the original Joe, must tag in for this one last ride.

The Rock has enough deep ocean glances into his own soul via the camera lens to constitute a romance.

If you’re looking for Shawshank, Platoon, or even a Mission Impossible, you’ll need to check those expectations at the door. This is a live action cartoon. It’s loaded with guns and amo, Americana, and good old fashioned explosions. And, according to my dad, there is never a bad explosion.

You go to G.I. Joe: Retaliation to see big stars play every kid’s favorite 80’s action figures live on screen doing what kids back then could only dream was possible.

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